


Megamind’s Heroic Speech of Gratudinal Heroicness

by Opalsong



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: F/M, Family, Heroes and Villains, Podfic Available, The Pepper to my sal-Tony, being a hero is hard you guys, failed jokes, speech, spoiler:dance party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2012-12-16
Packaged: 2017-11-21 05:58:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opalsong/pseuds/Opalsong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written by Roxanne Ritchi<br/>For Megamind at the Grand Opening of the Megamind Mega Museum</p><p>The speech to end all speeches; following the year to end all years; following the battle to end all battles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Megamind’s Heroic Speech of Gratudinal Heroicness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [autumndynasty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumndynasty/gifts).



** Megamind’s Heroic Speech of Gratudinal Heroicness **

**Written by Roxanne Ritchi**

**For Megamind at the Grand Opening of the Megamind Mega Museum**

     
The crowd roars as Megamind blasts through the wall on the stage in front of the soon-to-be-unveiled Megamind Museum.  Roxanne Ritchi hopes  his speech will go well; it’s a faint hope, but still there. 

“Alright put your hands in the air!” Megamind plays to the crowd who have their hands in the air, waving and screaming at him. “Now hand over your wallets!”  The crowd goes dead silent.  She told him not to use that joke.  It’s too soon, only a year after the giant battle with Tighten when Megamind flipped from Villain to Hero.

“Joking, joking.” The crowd, thankfully, begins to cheer again. “Wow, Roxie was right, too soon.  So people of Metrocity, what do you get when you-“  Roxie nearly puts her head in her hands; he is mangling the jokes that are supposed to start the speech.  How much worse can this get.

“So getting a museum is amazing.  Really amazing!  I hope that WHEREVER Metro Man is he is looking down and seeing that I have reappropriated his museum.  Too soon?  Sorry.  I’m just proud!  And I couldn’t have done it without all of you, yes even you with the strange face in the third row-” the man he points to in the third row does, indeed have a strange face and that face is looking mightily unimpressed right now- “you called my hotline when you saw a robbery in action, didn’t you!”  The face changes from unimpressed to shocked to proud in the space of a couple of seconds.

“That’s right! I needed all of you to complete my metamorphosism from ArchVillain to Hero!  But there is one person, a person just like the rest of you that helped me the most.  Let’s give a giant round of applejuice to Roxanne Ritchi.”   Roxie looks on, embarrassed and pleased and wondering what exactly got her to this point.

 

 

> Roxanne Ritchi’s descent into being both Megamind’s girlfriend and Public Relations manager began with her words at the end of his fight with Tighten.   “Sorry, sorry he’s not used to positive feedback.”  She was also there for Megamind’s first call from the media.
> 
> The phone rang just as they were about to begin eating.  It was a date.  Megamind, being Megamind, answered it right there at the table, “Hellooooh?” Roxie never got tired of hearing the hilarious ways he answered the phone; for someone so smart he was missing some basic social skills.  He paused with a strange look on his face.  “Wait.  Who did you say you were?   Who?   Inter Voo?  What is this Inter Voo?”  Megamind continued to look more and more confused during this exchange.  “Because if it is anything nefarious I will be there to SMITE YOU IN THE NAME OF-” He cut off abruptly.  “Uhhh...” He turned to her and covered the mouthpiece.  Badly.  “Who is Lacy Lane? And what is this Inter Voo?  She says she wishes to meet me at a restaurant but isn’t that like what we do?  I don’t want to do what we do with someone who is not us.”
> 
> “Oh God, give me the phone.”  Roxie grabbed the phone out of Megamind’s hands. “Hello?  Yes.  This is Roxanne Ritchi.  Yes, that Roxanne Ritchi.  Thank you.  Ummm yes?  How did you get this number?   I don’t- NO! No he will not.  There will be a press conference later this week about the incident.”  Roxie slammed the phone down and hung up.
> 
> “Roxanne?”  Megamind asked tentatively.
> 
> “She wanted to ask you questions about what happened on Tuesday.  I’m sure there are other reporters that want the same thing.  We’ll find a place and you can make a statement and maybe answer some questions.”  Roxie was already planning which conference room to rent and which reporters to introduce.  If this had to happen, they’d be in charge of it.
> 
> “Ok, if you say so.”  Megamind looked confused. “Do you want more of this delicious meat that has been spiced and cooked by an ingenious application of flame?  It’s really surprisingly good!”
> 
> Roxie laughed.  “Yeah, pass the steak.”
> 
> And that was the beginning of the spiral that led to a stable job (as stable as you can get when working for Megamind anyway) and relationship (and wow, it is weird to date a guy whose skin is a primary colour).

  
“So as you can see she’s pretty awesome!”  Minion agrees with this point.  Without Roxie, Megamind definitely wouldn’t be where he is today.  Certainly there would be more explosions in the ceremony, which would be fun but also probably not what the city wants.  
“The next person I need to thank is someone who’s been with me since the beginning.  Before I became a hero, before I had done all the terrible things I did, before anyone knew who I was, before I knew who I was: my parents gave me a friend.  He’s been there through the great times and the rough patches.  He’s always supported me, well, except for that one time during the – “ Roxie coughs pointedly-- “anyway give it up, but not your money or wallets! I just mean clap and cheer really hard for Minion!”

 

 

> Family is pretty easy to come by when you are a minion.  For Minion, his family began Megamind and for a long time Megamind was all he had.  Well, there were the other prisoners in the Metrocity Prison for the Criminally Gifted but at first they didn’t believe Minion could talk and by the time they did Megamind was old enough that he took up the entire world.  Once they got out of the Metrocity Prison for the Criminally Gifted it was _amazing_ , Megamind and Minion together against the world (whatever that meant).  But then Megamind created the brainbots and Minion’s world was in turmoil, like when a kid bought a fish from the pet store and wasn’t careful (Minion shuddered that metaphor went somewhere he hadn’t been expecting).  At first the brainbots were terrible!  Always interrupting Minion’s time with Megamind, always getting under foot (or fin as the case may be), but slowly Minion got used to them.  Eventually the brainbots were so essentially part of the family that Minion couldn’t imagine life without them, but then Metro Man died and the whole world went belly-up. Megamind hooked Roxanne Ritchi.  Everything was terrible.  Suddenly they were heroes instead of villains.  Minion was very worried, because from what he knew heroes didn’t have minions.  
> 
> “Don’t worry Minion, Heroes have these things that are LIKE minions but better!”
> 
> “Ummmm. Are you replacing me, then?”
> 
> “Of course not!! What?  Why would you think that? I’m upgrading you to--” there was a dramatic pause complete with lighting change and drumroll, courtesy of the brainbot-indie-band-side-project™ -- “SIDEKICK.”
> 
> After the ensuing dramatic flash of lightning, Minion said, “Isn’t that a kind of instant meal?”
> 
> “Oh… maybe it’s SODKICK.”
> 
> “I don’t think that’s right either, sir.”
> 
> “Nonononono you have to give me a cute pet name! Not sir!  We’re now best friends that go fight bad guys!”  
> 
> As much as it made Minion’s gills flush to hear that he and Megamind were Best Friends, he said, “Can’t ‘Sir’ be my cutesy pet name for you?”
> 
> “NO. Think of something else.”  
> 
> A few weeks later they were back to “Sir” and “Minion.” Life was more comfortable that way.
> 
> After a while Roxanne started to come around more.  It was like the brainbots all over again.  But in the end, she was even better than the brainbots because she could, and WOULD, talk to Minion as well as Megamind.  They even had mani-pedi days that  Megamind always found somewhere else to be during.  Maybe Minion’s family had begun when he was given to Megamind, but it had grown and flourished and he liked it that way.

  
“He’s really the best right?  Sodkick and all!”  The crowd goes wild and Minion, the goof that he is, plays right into it, dancing around in his megasuit.  “And now I need to thank everyone else.  Because without your patience and support I wouldn’t be here.  Without the few of you who steal things and are mean to each other I still wouldn’t have a purpose.  By the way, I’m going to stop you!  I have a new invention that I’m revealing on Saturday that will change your lives!”  Megamind adds an ev – enthusiastic laugh in for emphasis.  “So thank you, all of you, for your support!”

 

 

> Being a hero was hard!  Being a villain was easy: think up a dasTardly scheme, make it 50 times flashier, and then execute it.  Mostly it was a lot of kidnapping.  It was really proactive.  Being a hero was a lot of Waiting.  Something had to go wrong before a hero got to do anything.  At first it was easy; Roxanne wanted a cleaner city so Megamind thought up genius ways to make the city cleaner.  Sometimes they even worked!  But once the city was clean it was just waiting.  And more waiting.  And More Waiting.  Apparently the larger super-villain community had heard that now Megamind was a hero and was frightened away!  They’d never gotten around to inviting Megamind to their meetings and never sent him the newsletter anyway.  In any case, it meant that no super-villains were forthcoming.  This was the same problem he had as a villain without a hero!  Fortunately heroes had a wider variety of fightable things than villains.
> 
> “Turn to the left, Sir, I need to get this hem straight.”  Minion was working on his newest hero outfit.
> 
> “This new cape is going to be fanTabulous!”  Megamind said with a sigh. “ But I’m not going to wear it anytime soon.”
> 
> “What!” Minion nearly pulled him over in his shock, “ Why not!?”
> 
> “I have no Villain, Minion!  No one TO fight!” This was the worst part about being a Hero; he had the same problem as being a villain.
> 
> “Uhhh what about the man that keeps taking pictures of the car?”  Minion tried, and there was in fact a man that came around and broke into their base every so often.  But he never tried to steal things, he just petted the car and murmured to it.  Strange yes, but not Evil.
> 
> “No, he’s just an enthusiast.”
> 
> “What about the woman that keeps walking out of the jewelry store with diamonds she didn’t pay for?”  Minion looked hopeful this time.  But unfortunately Megamind had already dealt with that one.  She couldn’t give them back fast enough when the brainbots managed to find her.
> 
> “I got her to return them yesterday.  I think she isn’t going to do it again.  Are the brainbots really that scary?”
> 
> “They can be somewhat startling, sir.”
> 
> Megamind sighed again.  The door opened to reveal a flustered looking Roxanne talking on her phone.  “I can’t believe someone would do that!  I know, the state of the-  Yes!  Someone needs to do something about the way these people are being treated.  The law doesn’t seem to be helping them anymore.   I know, but who’d be willing to do that?”
> 
> “THAT’S IT!”  Megamind yelled, nearly tripping off the fitting platform and causing Roxie to drop her phone.
> 
> “What?” “Wait, what?”  Roxie and Minion chorused together. They sounded almost like a choir.
> 
> “I know who my Supervillain is!”  Megamind was ecstatic.  He’d figured it out. Minion perked up at the statement and Roxie looked confused, wary and a little weary.
> 
> “Who sir?”  
> 
> “Wait, now we have a supervillain on top of everything else?”  
> 
> “My Archnemesis is now -- dramatic pause with drumroll -- INJUSTICE!!!!”
> 
> Everyone could hear when Minion dropped a pin.
> 
> “What does that even mean?”  Roxie asked.

 

The crowd is cheering and it’s all going well, but Megamind suddenly realizes that the speech has no ending!  Well, it does, but the jokes at the beginning didn’t gone over well so the large explosions he had planned probably aren’t the way to go.  He flails a little but then Minion comes to his rescue, as always, and starts up a beat and DANCE PARTY because who doesn’t enjoy a good dance party?

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Megamind’s Heroic Speech of Gratudinal Heroicness [PODFIC]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1149435) by [Opalsong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opalsong/pseuds/Opalsong)




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